


The china cabinet and the kitchen table: A modern fairy tale

by Gaia_bing



Category: Spartacus Series (TV), Spartacus: Blood and Sand, Spartacus: Vengeance, Spartacus: War of the Damned
Genre: Agron is a kitchen table, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anthropomorphic, But no they dont have sex as objects, Crack, I am so sorry, I really am sorry, M/M, Nasir is a china cabinet, Romance, Youll see what I mean, really I am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-06-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:39:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaia_bing/pseuds/Gaia_bing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A China Cabinet and a Kitchen Table meet and soon begin a friendly relationship, but that's not actually not the weird part of this story...</p><p>Watch what happens when something magical blossoms between the two and a miracle make them live things they didn't believe to be possible for them to enjoy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The new arrival

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god, I am so sorry for this one. It's the most crackiest of crack fics that I could come up with. Please, forgive my poor plot bunny! :( But, I intend to make this a short one, maybe three of four chapter tops. :)
> 
> And, good news! The last chapter of "The spice of love" is written and should be posted this weekend, along with a new chapter of "Love in a future time"! :D
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! :)

Once upon a time, inside a small kitchen like those you would see inside any IKEA magazine, a couple was busy installing their latest acquisition: a china cabinet.

"Alright... a little to the right...just a little bit more...perfect! You can put the screw in now." announced the woman, a dark haired one named Naevia, and she looked on in pride as her husband, a beefy kind of a man named Crixus, fixed its last cupboard door.

He smiled too when he felt the screw finally unable to move any further and wiping his forehead, he took a step back to stand beside his wife.

"It's a beauty, isn't it?" Crixus asked his wife as he wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders and kissed her on the forehead.

Leaning against the tall man, Naevia beamed as she answered: "Yeah, it really is. And it's going to be even more of a beauty once my grandma's old china gets in there."

"Yeah. Speaking of which, didn't you say that your mom wanted us to get to her place before noon to help her with the garage?" asked Crixus, suddenly looking worried.

Checking her watch, Naevia gasped as she saw what time it was. "Shit! I totally forgot! Go grab your keys, I'll go grab my coat!" she exclaimed and the couple hurriedly did what they had to do so that they could leave their small apartment in time for their important appointment.

While all of this was going on, a sigh was pushed inside the air of the kitchen, one that neither of the humans could have heard, because they were just that, humans. But the newly installed wooden appliance that was hanging on the wall on the other hand...

 _"H-hello? Who sighed just now? Can you hear me?"_ it tried to say, despite knowing that the chances that someone or something could hear it were very slim, being a simple piece of furniture and all. With no mouth to speak with and with no lungs to breathe air in, it was rather difficult and pretty much impossible for any human to hear what it was trying to say. But still, in a language and in a way that we might not understand, but that somehow worked for this wooden thing, it tried to communicate with the outside world, just to see if someone or something could...

 _"Hello?"_ a voice suddenly rang out from underneath. The china cabinet tried to see who or what had understood it and to its complete surprise, it noticed... just there...a few feet from where it was hanging... standing on its four long legs...

The kitchen table...

_"Hi!"_

_"Hi! You can understand me?"_

_"Yeah! And you can understand me?"_

_"Yeah!"_

_"Oh my god! I thought I'd spend the rest of my life talking to myself!"_

_"Well, you don't really have a life, since you're a kitchen table and everything."_

_"Well, yeah, that is true..."_

_"But, I don't get it. How can we understand one another?"_

_"Oh well, furniture that come from the same maker can understand one another. See that kitchen island and that fridge over there?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"They both came from the same place. They can only understand and communicate with one another, nothing else. So wait, does that mean that you come from the same place as me?"_

_"Well, if what you're saying is true, then yeah, I am. "_

_"Sparts' Furniture Maker..."_

_"...from two blocks from here?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I come from there!"_

_"Oh my god, I come from there too! I didn't know the place still existed! He's a crafty man that Spartacus, isn't he?"_

_"Oh yeah, he always puts so much heart into everything that he does, it's quite unbelievable. You should have seen what I've seen while I was in storage waiting to be sold, just wow!"_

_"Yeah, he's always created beautiful things, just like what I'm looking at right now..."_

If the china cabinet could have blushed, it certainly would have, but being painted in deep cherry color was enough to represent what it was feeling at this particular moment, thank you very much.

_"W-well, th-thank you. A-and you're quite the good looking piece of furniture, if I do say so myself..."_

_"...A-are you flirting with me?"_

_"Maybe..."_

And if the kitchen table could have blushed, then it would have certainly been its turn to do so just now. And if it had a hand and the back of a neck, it certainly would have scratched the back of it with its digits just now.

But it didn't and neither did the china cabinet. And neither of them could move, or really speak, besides in their own unique way that only the two of them could understand.

And so, the two of them put the brief moment of flirtation aside, both knowing that nothing could ever come of it, with them being wooden pieces of furniture and all, and began to speak in a friendly manner once again, deciding that having a simple pal to communicate with was better than having no one at all.


	2. The new names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or: how China Cabinet and Kitchen Table stopped being called that and became...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short I know, but I really needed to space out this story, who ended up being a bit longer than I thought it'd would be.
> 
> And, for anyone that's interested, here's how I imagined Agron and nasir to look like in this story. 
> 
> Nasir:
> 
> http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--R_yo84POSM/TzKR9G1pTXI/AAAAAAAABqM/yceZ-M6e-uI/s400/chinacabinetabovesinkidea.jpg 
> 
> But colored deep red.
> 
> And Agron:
> 
> http://urbantableworks.com/wp-content/gallery/dining-room-kitchen/kitchen-table-caramelized-walnut-overhang-solid-top-ii-lg.jpg

As time went on and the weeks went by, the china cabinet and the kitchen table forged what could be considered a strong friendship, even inventing names for the other one day, so that they didn't have to always say "Hey China Cabinet!" or, "You see Kitchen Table..." because it'd get quite repetitive in the end and really, China Cabinet and Kitchen Table were really terrible names, if they were being honest with themselves.

_"How about... Howard?"_

_"Nah, too boring."_

_"How about... Clint?"_

_"Really, China Cabinet? Don't you think it's a little bit weird for a kitchen table to call themselves "Clint"? Besides, it's just like the name Howard, it's way too boring."_

_"Well, do you have any suggestions? Because really at this point, I'm running out of ideas here!"_

_"Hey, don't blame me! You're the one that wanted to pick a different name for me, not myself!"_

_"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. It's just, could you give me some inspiration here?"_

_"Well, how about you name me by what you think of when you look at me. Surely there must be something to do there."_

_"Hmm...well...whenever I look at you, I see something that's strong and sturdy, that could support anything that it desired to. That could do anything if it desired to. ...I've got it! How about..."Agron"?"_

The kitchen table tried the name a couple of times. _"Agron...Agron...I like it! Agron it is!"_

 _"Ooh, do me! Do me! With the same method!"_   said the china cabinet.

 _"Okay...let's see...when I look at you, I think of something that is a protector, with all of the fine china that is hiding safe inside your cupboards. Something that also supports them, so that they don't fall off and shatter to the ground. Oh! How about "Nasir"?"_   Agron asked his friend.

 _"Nasir... it's really a beautiful name. I love it!"_   the now named Nasir replied.

_"Great! Then from now on, we will not be known as Kitchen Table and China Cabinet, but as Agron and Nasir!"_

_"Wow, these two names go so well together!"_ Nasir exclaimed. And, in the back of its wooden mind, it was also thinking: _**"They go as well together as the two items wearing them."**_

 _"Yeah, they do. They really, really do."_ Agron replied, also thinking: _**"They sound like the names a human couple would have."**_

And this was how Agron and Nasir ended up with their particular names and for the rest of the day, they ended up giving nicknames to every pieces of furniture that were and standing and laying around the small apartment.


	3. A kitchen encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Agron finally opens up to Nasir about its past, only to be interrupted by their owners' late night kitchen tryst?

_"So... you've never told me how long you've been living here_." Nasir asked the appliance sitting underneath it, one night while their owners were out on a date.

 _"Well, from the different calendars, I-phones and watches that have hung around on top of me, I'd say I've been living here for about five years."_   Agron replied.

 _"Really, five years? Wow...have you always been the only one here from the same maker, before I arrived?"_ Nasir asked once more.

Agron sadly sighed and Nasir instantly regretted asking that particular question, seeing how it seemed to be a very particular sore spot for the other piece of furniture. _"Hey...if you don't want to talk about it, it's alright. I mean..."_   it started to say, but Agron reassured the appliance above by responding:

_"No, no, it's alright. I...I had what humans called a brother, actually. We came from the same tree and were sold as a package, it and me. Me, the average sized kitchen table and it, the small kitchen chair. When we were in storage waiting to be sold, we promised one another that we would always be together, no matter what. And when we were finally sold and we were brought up here, we were the happiest pieces of furniture that you'd have ever seen..."_

_"But, what happened? Why isn't it here now, with you?"_   Nasir asked its friend.

_"While we were in storage...there was an invasion of termites. They ate a lot of random pieces of wood...I turned out fine but, the insides of my little brother on the other hand... My owners didn't know it at the time and neither did I, but a couple of days after being moved here...Duro, that's what I could have called it if I had had the chance, its back legs gave out. And when Crixus inspected, he found out that it was too late to do any repairs on it and the next thing you know, my little brother's in the trash along with everything else that Monday morning..."_

_"Agron..."_

_"I should've seen coming, you know? I mean, that day, it didn't say hello to me in the morning like it usually did and I just thought that it was mad at me or something. But when Crixus came to read his paper and everything just happened, I couldn't do anything...If I had known, I would have at least told my little brother goodbye and that it would always be my family, no matter what..."_   Agron finished with a sad sigh.

It added: _"And so, I spent the next few years after that as the only piece of furniture of my kind and I thought I would spend the rest of my life all alone, with no one to communicate with, until you came and changed everything. And now I don't feel so alone anymore and it's all thanks to you."_

 _"Agron...I swear to you that no matter what happens, as long as I'm around, you'll never have to feel alone ever again, alright?"_ Nasir promised.

 _"A-alright, I believe you. And I will do the same for you, in case you wanted to know."_   Agron responded.

 _"Well, that's good."_   Nasir said.

 _"Yeah, it really is good."_   Agron murmured. A slight tension suddenly developed between the two as they were both lost in thought for a moment, wondering what to say next and not to break this deep moment between the two of them. Agron was about to speak, when suddenly...

_*Bang*_

Giggling could be heard coming from the living room and both Agron and Nasir recognized what these particular noises meant: Naevia and Crixus were home.

Speaking of which...

"Crixus, wait! We're never going to get to the bed room if you keep grabbing my ass like that!" Naevia slightly slurred as her and her husband stumbled drunkenly into the kitchen, on their way to their bedroom and mainly to their bed to partake into some...late night activities.

"Well, if your ass didn't look so good in that tight skirt of yours, then maybe I wouldn't want to spend all my time grabbing it!" Crixus responded with a giggle in his voice.

Leaning against the nearest wall that she could find, Naevia pushed her husband's groping hands away and asked him with a little bit of seriousness on her face: "But, don't you want to get in bed so that you can take off my tight skirt and have your way with me, like you've been saying you wanted to do all night long?"

The only reply that Crixus could come up to that was a heated gaze and a lustful:

"Who said I wanted to have my way with you on the bed?"

Naevia moaned and wrapped her long legs around her husband's waist as he scooped down and carried her inside the kitchen, kissing wildly all the while. She felt herself shiver when she felt her g-string wearing behind land right on the kitchen counter and she arched her neck as her husband peppered it with biting kisses, leaning her head...

Right against one of Nasir's cupboard's door.

 _"H-hey! What are you doing? Stop that right now!"_   Nasir called out, despite knowing that neither of them would hear its pleas. Naevia giggled as Crixus pulled off her top from her body and gasped when she felt her husband's hands go underneath her skirt and take off her underwear.

If Nasir had eyes, they would have been bulged at their maximum right at this particular moment, because when it heard the giggling of Crixus's belt and saw the way that Naevia's legs wrapped themselves around the tall man's waist, it immediately realized what was about to happen...

They were going to have sex right against Nasir.

"Oh god!" cried out Naevia as her husband pushed deeply inside her. Reaching behind her, the small woman grasped at the first thing that she could get her grip on as her head bent down to kiss Crixus once again. And that thing was...

The handle to Nasir's cupboard door that she'd been leaning against, opening it wide along the way.

 _"Oh, come on! Stop that! And you! Stop snickering, alright? It's not funny!"_ Nasir cried out at Agron, exasperated by what was happening right in front of, or should I say, right against it.

 _"Alright, alright, I'm sorry."_ Agron apologized and tried to get its laughter under control. But, as Crixus gave a particular harsh thrust against his wife and her head bumped loudly against Nasir's wooden exterior, Agron couldn't contain itself anymore and burst out cackling like a mad scientist.

 _"Oh haha, it's very funny, haha!"_   Nasir sarcastically responded to Agron's laughing fits. _"If it was you that they were having sex against, you wouldn't be laughing so hard now, would you?"_   it asked.

 _"Yeah right, as if they'd move from being against you to going at it right on top of me... That right there would really be Murphy..."_ Agron started to respond in a scoff and would you know it, Crixus picked up his wife by the waist and the couple stumbled...

Right on top of Agron.

 _"...'s Law."_   the table finished saying after a long incredulous pause.

 _"Ahah! Now that right there, that is funny!"_   Nasir replied at what it was seeing. And it indeed was a pretty funny sight, with Crixus standing right behind Naevia and her being sprawled all over Agron's surface. Plus, with the strength of both of the couple's actions, they were making the kitchen table wobble on its feet back and forth.

 _"Hey, watch it! I'm going to topple off if you two don't stop that right now!"_   Agron was the one to cry out this time around, but to no avail, they didn't hear it. But fortunately for both pieces of furniture, the couple quickly got tired of the kitchen after about 5-10 minutes of being in it and with his wife still in his arms, Crixus finally made his way inside the couple's bedroom, to finish what they had started up right against Nasir and right on top of Agron.

Speaking once again of which...

 _"Woah, that was something, wasn't it?"_   Agron said in a huff, happy to be stable on its four legs once again.

 _"Yeah and with the way they kept going at it just there, this whole sex thing looked like a whole lot of fun, huh?"_ Nasir pondered for its part.

 _"Yeah..."_   Agron agreed.

 _"Yeah..."_   Nasir replied, the tension that had appeared between the two of them before the married couple had entered the apartment returning with a vengeance.

And, as the two of them looked at the shining moon standing just outside of the small kitchen window, they both wondered to themselves:

**_I wonder how that's really like..._ **


	4. The fallings stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wish is a dream your heart makes...

This is the part in this little story where things got a bit kind of weird.

Now, before you laugh and point at everything that has been written beforehand and talk about how weird it is that a kitchen table and a china cabinet could communicate with one another, become friends and somehow develop emotional (and now sexual) feelings toward one another, then yes, I'd agree with you and say that all of this was in fact pretty weird. For us.

But to Agron and Nasir, it wasn't.

It's what happened one night, a couple of weeks after the whole "sex against them incident", that they would call "pretty weird", if they could tell you, of course.

Their owners had gone over to Naevia's mother house for the weekend, to get some much needed R&R from their daily jobs, but mostly to check out the _Perseids_ , one of the biggest meteor falls of the year and with the sky around the small cottage the clearest in the region because it was situated far from the city, the couple wouldn't miss the event for the world.

So, this left Agron and Nasir, along with all of the other furniture of the small apartment, alone for two whole days.

The tension between the two appliances from before was now completely gone, choosing to accept the fact that there was no way that they could ever be together the way that they'd seen Crixus and Naevia be. All they were was just large pieces of wood, assembled together with the help of screws, paint and glue and nothing else. Thinking romantic or sexual thoughts of any kind was just hopeless.

"Hey Agron, look! Look outside!" Nasir called out to its friend that night as it stared in awe through the window.

"What? What is it?" asked Agron, curious by what made its friend sound so agitated.

"The stars outside! They're falling, look!" Nasir exclaimed once more.

From its spot in the middle of the room, Agron could see a tiny bit of the outside world and sure enough, it saw them too: the falling stars. It was all so beautiful.

"Wow." was all Agron could respond to what it was seeing.

"Yeah, I was just about to say that." Nasir replied in awe as it looked upwards from its spot near the front door of the apartment.

And as they both looked on, in the back of both of their minds, a thought began to form. That thought soon became bigger and bigger and it transformed itself into a dream, then into a wish and at last, as they both saw the same star falling down at the same time, that wish became a sigh that was whispered throughout the darkness of the small kitchen:

_"If only I could..."_

**********************

_"Agron? Agron...are you okay?"_

"Hmm, sorry Nasir, just give me five more minutes, okay. I really need my beauty sleep." Agron mumbled, turning his body around and trying to get himself more comfortable onto where he was laying.

_"No, Agron, you're a kitchen table. You don't sleep! Actually, I don't really know what you are right now..."_

"What are you talking about Nasir? I'm..." Agron started to say as he opened his eyes and froze and realized at what he had just done.

Did he just opened his eyes?

Did he just closed them now?

Did he really have _eyes_?!

And, raising two long chunks of meat in front of him, he gulped.

Did he really have _arms_? And _hands_?

And, running what he supposed were fingers all over his new body, he realized:

He had a mouth, two ears, what felt like short hair and... the beginning of a _beard_?!

What in the world was going on?

"Nasir? What is..." Agron called out and turned around (he could actually turn himself around!) to where the china cabinet and friend was supposed to be, but instead, right there, sitting on top of the kitchen counter...

Was sitting the most gorgeous being that he'd ever seen in all of the time that he'd existed.

Long, dark hair that went down to his shoulders, a muscled up body that was covered in a loose T-shirt and black jeans. Dark, hypnotizing eyes...

Dark, hypnotizing and freaked the hell out eyes.

Trying to get himself as stable as he could when he raised himself on the two chunks of meat that were now his legs, Agron looked at the sitting man once again and called out:

"Wh-who are you?"

The other man looked up as he seemed to recognized his voice and his eyes soon began to gentle themselves as he whispered out in response:

"A-Agron?"

Agron's new heart sped itself up and the short haired man suddenly felt very dizzy. That voice, he would recognize that voice anywhere. That man, it was...

"Nasir?"

The man nodded, his gorgeous face breaking into a gorgeous smile.

And Agron couldn't help himself, for the first time in his entire life span, he smiled back.

Taking his very first steps, Agron carefully approached the other man, who was still sitting on the kitchen counter and looking at him with awed eyes.

Finally close enough, Agron's smile widened as he extended his hand toward the long haired man and said:

"Come on, there's nothing to be afraid of. Get down from there."

Hesitantly, as if trying out his new limbs, Nasir reached over and gently grasped Agron's hand with his own and hopped off the counter at last.

And went right inside Agron's arms.

"Hi." Nasir whispered against the other man's broad chest, squeezing him with all of his might.

"Hey." Agron whispered back, also squeezing the man inside his arms as tightly as he could.

"I've always wondered what a hug felt like. This is the greatest thing ever." Nasir exclaimed, making the other man chuckle. Retreating a bit, Nasir looked up at the taller man and couldn't help but ask:

"But...how?"

Agron shrugged his shoulders (he still couldn't believe he had shoulders!) and responded: "I...I don't know. One moment I was watching the starts falling down with you and the next thing you know, we're like this."

Nasir's eyes widened at that revelation and he turned his head to look out of the small window that he'd looked upon just minutes earlier, but as a piece of furniture instead of as the human that he had now become. "The falling stars...I think they had something to do with this. I've heard something from others at Spartacus' shop once. They said that if you make a wish when a star falls to the Earth, if you believe in it enough, it will come true." he replied.

Agron turned his head and too looked at the dark sky as he asked: "But, does that mean, that we made the same wish?"

"Maybe. What was yours?" Nasir replied as he turned his head to look at his friend once more.

"I...I wished that I could find a way, somehow, to be able to be with the one that I cared about the most in the whole wide world, in the way that I knew was impossible for me to be." Agron finally said, swallowing thickly as he stared down into Nasir's warm eyes.

Those same eyes that welled up at Agron's confession of feelings and with the same kind of warmth, whispered with a gentle smile:

"I...I wished for the same thing." Wrapping his arms slowly around Agron's neck, Nasir's gazed into between the taller man's emerald eyes.

"Agron..." he started to say, but the other man shushed him with a finger against his lips and, wrapping his own strong arms around the other man's waist, he simply replied with a tender smile of his own:

"Don't... please. Let's just...enjoy this moment right here, no matter how short or how long it is and just...be together."

And that's what they did.

Starting with: eating ice cream.

"But Agron, isn't the fridge going to be angry if we take some of its food without permission? We're not the owners of this place!" Nasir whispered nervously while standing behind the other man.

Agron gave him a reassuring smile in response, went to stand in front of said fridge and called out:

_"Whosny Lugo! Erendinmich ist perdemungun lonh isntes?"_

And to Nasir's complete astonishment, the appliance standing in front of the two responded with a thick accent:

_"Yes...you, eat ice cream...fine."_

Agron turned his head and grinned triumphantly.

"How did you do that?" was all Nasir could say as the other man opened the cooler and took out some chocolate icy treats and handed him one.

To which Agron shrugged his shoulders and responded, while taking a huge bite out of his own ice creamy stick:

"Hey, you try being alone for five years and not try to learn other languages to get some company!"

Next they: they jumped on the bed.

And it was Nasir's turn to leave Agron in awe this time around, as he approached the springy piece of furniture and, laying a hand on one of its metal bar, asked it with a polite smile:

_"Orche Chadara. Kindyik plukinkick realnick frinsnick?"_

The bed gave out a slight feminine laugh at what Nasir was supposedly telling it and it responded with a joyful:

_"Lintnik persnick orsgnick, Nasir."_

Nasir turned toward the other man and with a smile and an extended hand, he translated:

"It's okay, we can do it. Come on!" And to Agron's own shocked look, he too shrugged his shoulders and added: "Spartacus' place bought the next shop next door, where the bed came from."

"Oh..."

And so, a bed jumping session quickly gave out to a pillow fighting one and soon, the pair found themselves sprawled out on the floor, giggling like two middle school boys.

"Oh my god, if I had just the slightest idea how much fun being an human was, I'd made that wish ages ago!" Nasir said with a pleased smile.

"And, if I'd known that I'd spend the night with the most beautiful man I'd ever seen, I'd have done it too!" Agron exclaimed, laying his head on the floor and looking up at the ceiling.

"You're just saying that." Nasir said with a grin.

Raising his head up to look at the other man, Agron's look on his face turned from giddy to serious as he replied: "No, I'm not. If you could only see yourself, Nasir, god! If I thought you were gorgeous as a china cabinet, you're even more so as a human."

"Y-you think so?" Nasir asked the man laying beside him.

"I know so." Agron said with a tender smile as he laid his head back down, but still continued to stare at him.

Crawling with the help of his forearms so that his face was hovering above the short haired man's, Nasir looked down at Agron, with all of the emotions that he'd been hiding ever since they'd met all those months ago and he couldn't help himself:

He reached down and ran a hand through Agron's soft hair.

"I...I think you're the most gorgeous person I've ever met too... the most gorgeous everything that I've ever met and I...I...I want..." he started to say.

Agron licked his lips and, reaching up to cup Nasir's cheek tenderly with one of his hand, he said: "What? What is it that you want?"

And finally, before reaching down and bringing his lips towards the other man, Nasir looked at Agron with darkening eyes and replied:

"I want you, Agron."

And, coming together in a soft kiss, that want that had consummated the both of them for so long was finally being satiated.

And then the kiss turned into a more passionate one.

And then the next thing you know, hands and fingers began to roam and explore.

And then Agron's lips descended upon Nasir's neck.

And then Nasir started to slowly unbutton Agron's shirt.

And then Agron did the same with Nasir's pants.

And then the next thing you know, they were both lying on the floor, in a tight embrace, kissing and touching wantonly, completely naked.

And then Nasir gasped as he felt Agron finally made his way deep inside.

And then the next thing you know, Agron found himself on the ground once more, looking up at the ceiling, his fingers gripping Nasir's back and forth going hips.

And then Nasir cried out, hitting his peak and biting Agron's shoulder deeply.

And then Agron cried out too, holding on Nasir as tightly as he could.

And then the next thing you know, just like nothing had ever happened, Agron and Nasir were right back where they'd been all along: one on its four legs standing on the floor and the other hanging in the air by screws and holding some fine china inside its cupboards.

Leaving the both of them reeling at what had just happened to them and more particularly, between them...

And feeling as miserable as they had ever been in all of the time that they had spent on this Earth.


	5. The separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when life gets between Agron and Nasir and an unexpected event tears them apart, literally and figuratively?

The next week or so was absolutely painful for both Agron and Nasir. If they had thought that things had been tense between them before their miraculous night together, then they simply had no idea just how much worse it would be afterward. They couldn't even look at one another, let alone speak. They were both there, in their own little corner, sulking and thinking about what had happened in that carefree moment of passion that was now turning into an instant filled with regrets.

So many questions and so little answers:

_Why did they sleep together?_

_How did the other felt about them now?_

_What could they do?_

_Where would they both go from here?_

***************

The next time that they spoke to one another, it was for an unexpected reason.

It all started the day after Crixus and Naevia had returned from their country retreat. They seemed more happy than usual, more cheerful, like something special had happened there and they weren't telling anybody. That first thing had been a little bit strange.

The next strange occurrence happened when Naevia took out her digital camera and began to take numerous pictures of Nasir from diverse angles: from near, from afar, with its cupboards opened, with its cupboards closed and the likes. Nasir didn't think much of what was happening. It just thought that Naevia thought it was nice looking and wanted to take pictures of her beautiful china cabinet, that was all.

But it was the next strange occurrence that changed everything.

One morning, while the owners of the apartment went to get what they had called a "buyer" for some reason, Agron worked up its courage and called out:

_"Nasir?"_

_"Y-Yeah?"_ replied a timid sounding china cabinet.

_"I think you and I... we need to talk...about what happened the other night."_

_"Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing too. But, huh, why don't you go first?"_

_"No, you go."_

_"Oh come on Agron! I gave you the floor, you go."_

_"No, I'll let you go first, I am a gentlefurniture after all."_

_"Please! I insist!"_

_"Alright, alright. Well, see, the thing is..."_

But, Agron never got to finish what it wanted to say, because suddenly the door of the apartment opened and Crixus and Naevia entered, followed by an unknown dark-skinned man behind them.

Naevia and the stranger approached where Nasir was hanging and the unknown man gave out an appreciative grin to what he was seeing.

"Well, you were indeed right. It is a beauty." he said

"I know, right? I know the pictures that I put on E-bay didn't really do it justice, but here it is! What do you think, hmm?" Naevaia replied, biting her lip, not remembering her potential buyer's name.

"Castus, my name's Castus. I think it is going to fit really well inside my kitchen. And, in your bid, you said that the china came with it too?" Castus asked.

"Yeah, see... I'm about eight weeks along and we really need the money if we want to buy that van that we've got both of our eyes on. So, did you want to pay by cheque or..." Naevia responded.

"I've got it right here, 'mam. Don't you worry! 700$, as we agreed?" Castus said while taking out a piece of paper from his coat jacket and handing it to her.

"Yes. Thank you Castus! You have no idea how much that money is going to help us." Naevia replied with a beaming smile.

"No problem, no problem. Do you mind if me and your husband start to take it down so that it'll fit inside my truck?" Castus asked her, with a slight smile.

"Sure, of course! I'll go get him and you guys can begin!" Naevia responded and went outside to get the other man.

At what they were hearing, Agron and Nasir both started to panic.

_"Agron, what did that guy mean by "taking it down"? What's going on?"_

_"I...I don't know. What are they all doing?"_

_"I don't know either. But whatever it is, I don't like it."_ Nasir replied while seeing the dark skinned man grinning up at it.

And soon, the Castus-guy and Crixus both arrived with a set of tools...and...

_"Agron! What's going on!? They're tearing me apart! Help me!"_

_"Oh god, Nasir! I wish I could, but I can't move! Please, stop! Stop it, please!"_

_"Please, help! Somebody or something, help me please! I don't wanna go with this Castus-man, I wanna stay here! I want to stay with Agron, please!"_

_"Nasir! Don't go! I don't want to be alone again! Please, stay with me!"_

_"Oh god Agron! Don't let him get me out of here! Agron! AGRON!"_

_"NASIR!"_

But it was too late. After about an hour of unscrewing and many trips back and forth between the apartment and Castus' truck, it was done. Nasir had officially left the small apartment, in folded pieces, to be taken away to a new and unknown place and Agron was left all alone once again, with no one to talk to, well except maybe the occasional fractured diatribe in other languages with other pieces of furniture, but it just wouldn't be the same.

Nasir wouldn't be there anymore and Agron would feel absolutely lonely once again, just like it had for the past five years or so, before Nasir had come into its existence, before everything had changed...

And before the kitchen table had fallen in love with the china cabinet and then that love had been taken away, without leaving the chance for Agron to admit it.


	6. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, couldn't give this story a bad ending, now could I? ;)

Somewhere, inside a storage shed many, many years later...

"There you go, buddy. Nice and easy, careful with the leg. There. I'm sure you'll fit just fine in here, with all of the other broken pieces of junk that's hanging around." the gaudy man said to the old and worn out kitchen table as he put it down on the soiled floor.

Agron coughed at the flowing dust and looked around. So, this is where it was going to spend the rest of its existence? Well, at least it was going to be in good company, even though nothing here could actually communicate or interact with it. It looked at the other broken furniture that this shed contained:

Lamps. TVs, ovens, metal chairs, a deep cherry painted wooden china cabinet with a busted glass door...

Hang on...

 _"H-hello?"_   Agron tried to call out, somehow hoping, somehow praying that what it was looking at right now was... was indeed...

_"A-Agron? Is that you?"_

_"Nasir!?"_

_"Oh my god!"_

They both looked at one another, both too stunned and too emotional to speak.

_"My god, Nasir, what happened to you? Your glass..."_

_"It's broken, yeah. An accident a long time ago involving Castus, a can and a dog. I've never been the same since then. But what about you, Agron? Your leg...you've got scratches everywhere..."_

_"Years and years of kids playing around me. Crixus and Naevia kept me around when they had their first baby and even when they moved inside their new house.... And well, kids grow up and couples get more babies and before I know it, I topple down because one of my leg is broken. And so, that's why I'm here_."

 _"Oh Agron. I've missed you so much."_   Nasir sighed sadly.

 _"Me too, Nasir, I've missed you too."_   Agron replied with a sorrowful voice.

And so, they spent the rest of that day catching up, telling the other stories about their time apart. Making each another laugh and even make each other sad, as time quickly seemed to go by.

Outside that night, the wind was howling, the clouds were gathering and soon thunder began to growl and make the shed shake inside its foundation.

The pair began to hear the loud clatter of pouring rain falling on the metal roof of the shed and a slight chill began to make its way in the air, like something foreboding was about to happen, as if destiny was writing itself as the seconds and the minutes now slowly ticked by...

They were in the middle of another one of Agron's stories about its previous owners' kids, when....

_Crash! Boom! Clang!_

A flash of white appeared through the small window of the shed. Something seemed to break not far from where they were and suddenly...

A flaming tree branch crashed through the old rusty roof of the shed and landed right beside Agron and Nasir's feet.

 _"Ah!"_   Nasir shrieked.

 _"Oh, god!"_   Agron cried out in fear.

The flame that had already begun to consummate the wood of the branch slowly made its way upwards, seeking new material to burn. And since Agron and Nasir were both made out of wood...and they were both nearby...

_"Oh god! It's coming this way!"_

_"I know!"_

_"What do we do Agron? What do we do?"_

_"I...I don't know. We can't move...and we can't stop it..."_

_"I'm...I'm scared Agron."_

The flame was nearby them now.

_"Me too, Nasir. Me too."_

It was now licking at their feet.

_"Agron..."_

The kitchen table looked at the china cabinet as the flames began to grow around the pair.

_"Y-yeah?"_

The fire was now standing taller than their own height.

 _"I...I love you."_   Nasir whispered as it felt flames consuming its insides.

 _"I love you too Nasir."_   was what Agron whispered back before going silent, the flames now swallowing the pair whole, leaving nothing but ashes behind.

But soon, as fast at it had started, the flames died down, thanks to the pouring rain coming from above and drowning whatever embers the crashing branch had left behind.

And, laying right on top of the piles of what was now was a murky mix of rain water and wooden ashes...

Were two shivering human forms, their eyes closed and in the fetal position.

Coughing, the taller of the two sat up and opened its eyes, looking around stupefied. The man, with short black hair, began to look at himself more closely and couldn't believe what he was seeing:

He wasn't an old, worn out kitchen table anymore!

He was human again!

He hadn't been consumed by the fire!

He was still alive!

And he...and he...

"Oh god, Nasir!" Agron shrieked out, and began to panic when he saw that the cabinet was nowhere to be found and looking at the ground, he saw the grey liquid dirtying his feet.

Oh...oh _god_...

"Nasir!" Agron called out in grief, his knees falling on the earthly floor of the shed. Taking handfuls of grey goop inside his hands, he did the one thing that he'd never done before in his entire existence:

He began to cry.

"Oh, Nasir! Why did you leave me?" he wept out.

_"Agron?"_

"I'm all alone again." he said into the cold air of the shed.

_"Agron?"_

"I'll never have the chance to be with you again!" he added.

 _"Agron!"_   the voice that had been calling his name all this time finally yelled.

Wiping at his eyes, the short haired man looked at the source of the voice and there, standing with his hands on hips and gloriously naked...

Was Agron's love Nasir.

"Agron, what are you crying about? I'm right here!" Nasir exclaimed, raising his arms on both sides of his body.

"Oh yeah, you sure are!" was what Agron cried out, now weeping in happiness and Nasir laughed and wept out too when the taller man, naked as he was, jumped right on top of him and covered his face in kisses. The two of them rolled around and around, their joy of reuniting too much to be kept concealed.

And yes, before anyone asks, they did made love right there, in the middle of the shed, right on top of the ashes where their previous bodies had been.

In the end, after coming down from highs never before reached by any man nor woman before them, the two of them laid there, in each other's arms, happy to be human again, happy to be together,

Happy to have a second chance at life.

And, as the falling rain cooled off their previously burning bodies, Agron nuzzled his lips against Nasir's forehead and, kissing it tenderly, he whispered:

"I love you, Nasir."

And Nasir looked up and whispered back:

"I love you too, Agron."

"Always?"

_"Always."_


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, epilogue time! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody who kudosed, reviewed or simply read this totally crackarific story, you guys are the best?
> 
> And, did I mention that I got the idea of this tale while trying to go to sleep one night? Hehe...:)

And many, many, many, many years after that...

 _"Ohcrchek trinck pluncheck regngick, Gannicus."_   Nasir exclaimed with a smile as he adjusted the last screw on what was previously a doorless oven, now ornated with a brand new strong and stainless one.

 _"Pluncick othigick eragcjick!"_   the oven replied, grateful to be in such good hands. Nasir put down his work glasses and screwdriver on the nearby work table and went to the next room to get some much needed water after such a long repair.

Agron and Nasir were now the very successful owners of a furniture repair shop, giving pieces after pieces a second chance at life, just like they'd themselves been given but in a different way, so long ago.

And, with previously being pieces of furniture themselves, the couple, now happily married, learned the many languages that other pieces and appliances spoke and whenever a new arrival came inside the shop, they always treated it like it was one of their children that needed mending, talking to it with a very loving and caring voice.

And to the people that looked at them funny whenever they did that?

Agron would simply wink and say that it was their own magic touch to make sure that the piece would be repaired successfully and stay in good shape for a very long time.

And so, that was also how they ended up calling their shop:

_Nasir and Agron's Magic Touch._

Speaking of the devil...

"So, is Gannicus happy with its new door?" a voice came from behind the long haired man and Nasir shivered pleasantly when he felt Agron bury his face against his neck as he wrapped his strong arms around his love, the golden band on his finger shining in the afternoon sunlight.

Nasir smiled and covered Agron's hands with his own, closing his eyes and enjoying the moment.

Looking up, he smiled as he replied: "Yeah and I'm sure it's going enjoy going to live with the Gaiuses even more. They're good people and I know they're going to treat it very well."

"Good, because everything and everyone deserves that kind of love." Agron said with a smile of his own.

Turning around in his husband's arms, Nasir smirked as he asked:

"Even china cabinets and kitchen tables that found one another and then one night had some crazy sex when they turned humans and then were separated when they got back to normal, only to then to be reunited years later and then got turned back into humans because a bolt of lighting struck a tree branch?"

Agron grinned at that and, as he brought his husband closer to his body for a very deserved snuggling and making out session (that would probably turn into love-making, again), he lovingly whispered against Nasir's lips:

"Them, more than anything and anyone else in the entire universe."

And well, suffice to say that the two of them, along with all of the humans and all of the pieces of furniture that they'd met and helped along the way,

Lived happily ever after.

**The end.**

**Author's Note:**

> So...what do you think? Leave me a review or a kudos and tell me what you thought.
> 
> Thanks. :)


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